Sonja sends daddy an e-mail

Daddy,

Here is my outfit today. My onesie says "Handful" but I am a very good girl, so I think Mommy must have just made a mistake when she put it on me. I hope you're having a good day. I get to (try to) go out to dinner tonight with Auntie Kirsten and Uncle Jim for Uncle Jim's birthday. It should be lots of fun.

I love you,
Sonja

This I would believe if it weren't so hard to write about

I have started writing an essay for the National Public Radio (NPR) project called "This I believe" and it is really hard, and it's making me mad. I like to think that me good writer, but mention This I believe and me no write good...

I've tried to start writing this stupid little essay thing several times and each time I go into complete shutdown mode. Part of the problem is that I am trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. I know what I believe and these beliefs are crucial to me and to my identity but when I go to express it I find that there really is no defining moment in my life which made me who I am. I am the sum total of many little moments... Mundane moments - coffee in the mornings, inane moments - hours in front of the X-box, moments of stupidity - drinking to excess, moments of levity - time spent with friends and family, moments of everyday joy - rocking my daughter to sleep, and moments of everyday sadness - the death of my grandfather.

I’ve listened to the stories that the others on NPR have told and they are magnificent. They are everyday heroes. Usually, they have traveled the world, cured some disease, lived through some extraordinary event, experienced intense personal trauma, or they are celebrities.

My life and my beliefs lack all of these elements, and I find that when I go to express my own personal belief that chaotic life-changing events happen continually, incrementally and usually on a scale that is so small it is almost imperceptible, I get sidetracked trying to extrapolate this philosophy into something grander than it is.

This is not to say that I have not had major changes in my life -I have. The birth of my daughter, Sonja, while a miracle and one of the most beautiful moments in my life is, on a grand scale, an everyday occurrence. It may change and shape the rest of my life, but its impact in the grand scheme of life is small.

Hmmm, between 350 and 500 words for the essay and right now I am at 368... it looks like I may have tricked myself into writing this essay.

Glossophobia Haiku

All eyes are on me.
My butterflies are monsters.
Glossophobia

Sonja joins Russian Mafia

Future member of the Russian Mafia or just a fun track suit?

Family photo : )

Smiling Sonja

One smile from my daughter can get me through just about anything. The day is drawing close when daycare will have to happen. We are lucky, however, that we have family nearby. Grandma Patty will be watching Sonja one day a week, my sister two days a week (just through September) and I am home on Fridays and Jenn is planning on being home Mondays. Come the end of Sept we will be using a daycare 2 days a week in place of my sister. It's great to have all this love and support and we are truly lucky to be able to have this schedule, but it does not make coming to work any easier.

Running on about 3 hours of sleep today. Did not sleep well last night and stayed up too late watching a feel good movie "The Ron Clark Movie". In a world full of fear and violence it sometimes recharges my batteries to know that there are people out there doing amazing things despite all obstacles.

Finally, Pluto is no longer a planet?!? I for one say it's about time! That tiny litte frozen snowball never really did it for me anyways. Its crazy orbit so unlike the other "good" planets seemed so asymetrical in the perfectly harmonized sphere of the heavens... "Hi, I am Pluto. I am the planet that is furthest from the Sun. Except sometimes when it's Neptune because my orbit is so elipitcal in nature that sometimes I like to be tucked inside of Neptunes orbit." Pluto is nothing but a tiny planet with an attitude... You can't just go butting into someone else's orbit like that - how rude! So to you Pluto, I say good day.

Hominophobia Haiku

Mars, the god of war,
Hitler and Pol Pot also.
Hominophobic

Gynophobia Haiku

Gynophobia
Beware! The female gender
I am sorry mom

Sonja

I have to admit I am running out of new photos to post... I have to get on the camera and take more pictures... It's hard now because she is so responsive to everything that I just want to hold her all the time and not bother holding a camera...

So in an effort to overwhelm the blogspot server with photos here are some blast from the past pictures of various items...

Our Honeymoon spot.

This spring in Moab, UT

Jenn, SJ and Amy

Chris, Me, Tom, Jason and Sherman

Cibophobia Haiku

It is sustenance.
I wish I did not need it.
Cibophobia

Long weekend

Sorry for the silence the last few days but our time has been taken up by little "not so silent" Sonja.

Here are some pictures from the weekend.

The girls

Sonja's lovely eyes and beautiful mom.

A lovely picture of two of Jenn's best friends and gaggle of children.

Cynophobia Haiku

Cujo had rabies,
Plus all the drool and barking
Cynophobia

Gatophobia Haiku

Long, razor sharp claws
And fangs breeding infection
Gatophobia

Aviophobia Haiku

The skies are for birds
Not machines made of metal
Aviophobic

Sonja's Hair Dance with Yawn

The title says it all

Nephophobia Haiku

Nephophobia
Look at them, up in the air,
Obscuring the sun.

Phobia Haikus

What is it with me and the phobia haikus? Not really sure actually. It started with Jenn and I writing little haikus back and forth to one another and then I realized that many phobias have 5 to 7 syllables. Perfect for haiku writing. I realize my technique may not be perfect. I really only base it on the 5-7-5 syllable rule and ignore any ancient and deep eastern mysticism, but something about that form feels right. I enjoy the compactness of meaning and the challenge in boiling down an idea to 3 bare lines. I am not a huge phobia sufferer, although I do consider myself agoraphobic and claustrophobic. My hope is to write a haiku for all phobias of less than 7 syllables. Oh boy are you readers lucky. I know that pictures of Sonja are the real reasons for the visits but one can dream...

Letter to Sonja

August 9, 2006

Dear Sonja,

I am writing this letter to you while you are still too small to read, too small to walk, too small to talk. I know, however, that all of this will change, and before I know it you will be up and walking and talking and going out with friends and driving places and looking for colleges and trying to assert your independence. I know some of these things are a long ways off, but I can’t help worry about them already.

I hope that when the time comes for you to start college or leave home that Mom and I have raised you well. I hope that we have provided you with a solid foundation upon which you can realize your full potential. You will make mistakes. Mom and I will make mistakes. It’s unavoidable. I want to tell you all the things I have learned growing up. I want to teach you what to do and what to avoid. I want to provide you with short-cuts to valuable life lessons, but I know that this is impossible. I have to let you learn some things on your own. I can (and will) tell you not to talk to strangers; I will lecture you on the pitfalls of drugs and alcohol; I will urge you to practice abstinence and common sense when it comes to dating, but I know that eventually you will be faced with decisions and situations I have not prepared you for. It is my hope that Mom and I will have provided you with a framework of love and understanding from which you can build your own decisions.

It is a very big world Mom and I have brought you into, and it is not always pretty. I just hope that you will always know and carry with you the deep and undying love your mom and I have for you. We will always be there for you.

My Endless Love,

Dad

Dentophobia Haiku

Unbearable sound,
Metal scraping on my teeth.
Dentophobia

Sonja Smiles

Sonja is starting to smile for reasons other than gastrointestinal...


Thinking about smiling...

How does this smiling thing work Daddy?

I refuse to smile while looking like Oliva Newton John!

There it is : )

Coulrophobia Haiku

Crazy hair, big shoes
Red nose... I cower with fear
Coulrophobia

The empty plate

Behold! A picture of a plate. Taken by my lovely wife. Truly a masterpiece. I am serious. I saw this picture and I just had to stop. Something about it had that certain something that screams, "Hey! I am more than I appear! I am an empty symbol waiting to be filled with overwrought anlysis. I am a metaphor waiting to grow old. I am a picture taken by your wife so you could buy similar style paper plates on the way home." Okay, so really it's the last one but it does speak to me. Must be the circleness of it. The completeness. Perhaps it's the way the pattern is slightly asymetrical within a very balanced white circle surrounded by the lush dark wood rectangular frame.

It's late, and I am tired. Tonight, if I dream of this plate, I will awake happy and refreshed.

Sonja in pants and sans pants

My first pair of pants... they make me sleepy


Ahhh, no pants, that makes me sleepy too. 

Agoraphobia Haiku

Too many people.
It's agoraphobia.
I avoid the crowds.

Weepin' and a Wailin'

Wasn't sure how to put a video on the blog of nothing but Sonja crying so I decided to go a little artsy and then set it to reggae music. Enjoy!

Rock

The swing in action - it's a wonderous thing!