Lost in Thought

"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."
- Paul Fix

I have not written in quite sometime in my blog. I do so wish to keep it going but as summer draws to a close and work is at a frenzied pace and Sonja is now walking all over the place, I find I hardly have time to check and write an email let alone sit at my desk and type out some mindless drivel (who doesn't want to read mindless drivel anyways?)

I have had lots going on and at the same time very little. I think that is a sign of a life full of mundane tasks. Part of me is content with this - doing the dishes, cleaning house, grocery shopping, changing diapers, playing with Sonja - but part of me wonders if there isn't something I am missing.

On those rare occasions where I have 30 minutes to spend doing what I want - say plopping down in front of the TV to play some xbox - I find that this task is not as satisfying as it once was. Sure it's still fun to bash virtual bad guys and find virtual treasure, but somehow it's just not as fun as it once was. Perhaps it's just the guilt of trying to unwind when I know that the list of things I should be doing is ever increasing perhaps I have just let my inner teenager grow older.

I now find that I worry about college for Sonja, I worry about how we are going to pay for it how we are going to pay for life insurance and car repairs and all sorts of responsible boring stuff. I don't find that I am every thinking about when am I going to get together with my friends for drinks...

Times change but sometimes change happens in tiny almost imperceptible intervals - when all of a sudden two years have gone by and the person you once were has changed. Still, there is perhaps the Johnny of my youth or the JP of my 20's but now I find that there is a new person crowding the scene - John. John is dad, he is responsible, hard working and honest. John mows the lawn, cooks dinner, tries to pack his lunch. John thinks of his wife and child and realizes that he is luckier than he had ever imagined he would be. John worries more than JP. John's golf game suffers due to lack of practice, but John is okay and realizes a life as a golf-pro was never in his future.

I now am truly lost in my own thoughts...